Counterfeit Vaseline and Llama Marshmallows: ODO 206
Somehow I managed to do a shorter show than usual by knowing what I was going to talk about. How the hell does that work? I explain the significance of llama shaped marshmallows as a sign of a return to normalcy in the world. My AC went out just before the summer really got rolling in. And I bring back “BS From The News” with counterfeit Vaseline, weaponized pizza, and the revelation that, shocker, Nestle food apparently isn’t good for you.
Llama Marshmallows= World Returning To Normal
On a recent shopping trip, I came across a most amazing sight. It gave me hope that, after living in the world of Covid for the last year, that maybe life may be returning to normal. I saw a package of Jet-Puffed marshmallows shaped like llamas and cactus.
Now you’re probably asking, “how in the fruit flavored hell do llama marshmallows mean the world is getting back to normal?” And I’m gonna ask you, “when is the last time you saw any kind of unnecessarily silly product like this?” You didn’t see stuff like this in 2020. We were in the middle of a worldwide pandemic. There wasn’t time for silly animal shaped treats. We were too busy hoarding toilet paper and hand sanitizer and taking all the black people off of food packaging. But now that there appears to be an end to the insanity in sight, we can get back to a world of unnecessary foods. Although I do have to question, why llamas? I mean, does Carl from “Jimmy Neutron” work at the marshmallow factory now or what?
Happy Memorial Day! My AC Busted!
For those of us in the USA, Memorial Day signifies the unofficial start of summer. Nevermind that summer doesn’t actually start until the end of June. School is out and it’s getting hot. That’s especially true when you live in Phoenix where, once you hit Memorial Day, the daytime temperature rarely drops below triple digits until September. So I don’t know of a better surprise than for our air conditioner to go out in the middle of a 99 degree day.
At first I thought it was just getting warm in the house because I had just finished baking a pizza. But slowly the temp started to creep up in to the 80’s. So, having watched many an AC guy check vents to test the temperature output of the system, I grabbed my infrared kitchen thermometer and shot it up at the vents. The air coming out was a steamy 84 degrees. It didn’t take a minute for my wife to have her phone out and calling our neighborhood AC guys. Unfortunately it was gonna be over 3 hours before they were gonna be back on our side of town. So we hunkered down in our bedroom with the curtains shut tight, fan on high, and even had the lights off so that the bulbs wouldn’t generate any heat until the guy arrived.
The “funny” thing was, once he arrived, it took him less than 5 minutes to find and fix the problem. A small electronic cannister that jump starts the compressor in the AC unit had gone bad because the manufacturer of our AC unit cheaped out on that particular component. It just couldn’t handle running in the Arizona heat.
And just like that, my little kitchen laser was reading 64 degrees from the vents.
BS From The News
Dubai’s “Customs Intelligence Department” stopped an attempt to smuggle over 17,000 packages of counterfeit “Vaseline,” with a street value of around Dh400,000, into the country. For me, the most important question really has to be, how the hell does Vaseline have a street value?
After arriving unannounced, to his adult daughter’s home, a Florida man was arrested and charged with assault when he threw a slice of pizza at his daughter for refusing to let him in the house. Surprise surprise, he also appeared to be intoxicated.
Big shocker, a company primarily known for making candy and ice cream discovered that over 60% of their food offerings are not, and could not ever be made, healthy. Everyone together now, “Duuuuhhhh!” In their defense, Nestlé does make pet food and baby formula as well. And coffee isn’t necessarily “unhealthy.” But I’m pretty sure those things are what make up the 40% that are considered “healthy.”