Episodes

The Unconventional Conventionist: ODO 31

 

The Unconventional Conventionist

     It’s been a year since I started making this podcast so I started looking back at how much I’ve grown in the past year. Then I yak about just how dumb political conventions are. In “BS From the News” I’ve got a story about an interesting flood relief charity and a Washington man who just got bored.

This week marks one year since this podcast began. I have come a long way since then, and have a long way to go still. But I think I’m finally getting a hang of this thing, and I think I finally have my show figured out. Thank you to everyone out there who has supported this show over the last year. I may not be famous, but I have made something, and you have listened.
It’s convention time for the big political parties, and I have one question for them all, why? I understand the point of the party conventions is to select the party nominee for the presidential election. There are also some other things that are done, like party rule changes and policy blah blah blah. But what is the deal with all the hooplah? Why is it that all these I don’t big names in the different parties show up and make these big speeches about how great their particular political party is to a bunch of their own party members? You are quite literally preaching to the choir. On a similar note, why do they go up on stage talking up the nominee?  Hilary Clinton and Donald Trump walked into their respective conventions as the presumptive nominees as a result of the primary process, did they not? Then why are all these people going up trying to sell the rest of the people in attendance on this candidate. News Flash! They are on your side. I get that there are people in each party that don’t necessarily like the selected candidates, but those are not the kind of people who typically are at the conventions. Yes there are the small groups that don’t like the turnout of the primaries, but again if somebody got the votes in the primaries, obviously the opposition is outnumbered. Everyone else in the room drank the kool-aide. Just accept that you lost and deal. And while you’re at it, if you have to give an unnecessary speech, keep it short. I don’t care how political you are, nobody likes having shows pre-empted. My wife was about to punch Bernie Sanders out on our TV because she was missing “the Bachelorette.”

Bullshit From the News

Strip Club to Donate Lap Dance Proceeds to Flood Relief

The Blue Parrot Cabaret in Morgantown, West Virginia is raising money for flood relief in southern W. VA. by donating a portion of the money from lap dances to charity. What better way is there to help those most hurt by the flood damage than to get a lap dance?

Man Leads Police on High Speed Chase Across 2 Counties Because He Was “Bored”

A man in Washington state lead police on a high speed car chase that lead authorities back and forth across 2 counties. After his arrest the man claimed he just did it because he was bored.
I don’t know about you, but if I were “bored” I would think a little longer about what to do if “try to outrun a bunch of angry cops” is even an option.

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ODO 30 I Choose You, Or Not

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I Choose You, Or Not…

     I have learned that work trips are a great way to observe general human stupidity in action. Plus the 400 lb app in the room, we’re talking Pokemon Go. And in “BS From the News” we’ll learn probably the only thing in the way of poke-world domination, and just how bad one little typo can be.

     Is this irony, or meta, or just a silly coincidence? I was listening to my buddy Mark from “What’s Happening With the NewMan” while I was on the road for work. In his last episode (#16 if you’re wondering) he not only mentions my last episode, but also that he was on his own road trip with his family while he was listening to it. On top of that he was also plagued with car troubles in a similar manner. Almost makes me feel like there’s a jinx on it or something. But hey, we survived, he survived, all is good.
     Speaking of road trips for work, my job recently restarted doing overnight out of town jobs. This is good and bad. It means lots of hours because these are obviously jobs too far away for a day trip so I get paid for lots of driving. On the down side it means lots of driving and staying the night in a hotel with one of the other techs. And of course there’s the people at the hotels. Is it just me or do people’s brains turn off when they go on vacation. We stayed in Lake Havasu City, with lots of drunk people partying on the lake or at the pool until all hours. Then in the morning they still haven’t recovered the brain cells they fried the day before in time for breakfast. I sat down to breakfast at the hotel and watched the little old lady buffet attendant explain how to use the waffle iron to the same group of people 10 times in a row. The instructions are on the waffle iron, and they’re on the waffle batter, and the machine has a little arrow telling you to flip the thing over. Oh yeah, and the lady JUST SAID IT 10 TIMES ! I realize that these hot breakfast/ do it yourself waffle iron things a relatively new in the grand scheme of hotel life, but the instructions are right there, plastered on everything involved.
     But enough about stupid people. I’ve gotta mention the latest app to wreck havoc on everybody’s data plans. Of course it’s Pokemon GO. This is the latest app to get everybody to devote every waking hour to their phones. The difference here is that this one has the backing of 20 years of poke legacy to draw everyone in. I’m not a fan, never have been, and I was actually in the target demographic when the original games came out. I understand how people can get sucked into a  game like this. It gives you a goal to achieve, gotta catch them all. And you get a sense of excitement as you get closer to that goal by catching another one or evolving one or winning battles. I get it. But people just get way too obsessed with mobile apps. It has taken over everything. I’ve seen strip clubs promoting cold beer and rare pokemon inside. What about the naked girls? Isn’t that the entire point of your existence? The only plus side for me is that now that poke-memes are taking over the internet, all of the stupid minion memes are going away. But is this really a lesser of 2 evils situation?

 

Bullshit From the News

This week’s stories gathered from the subreddit r/nottheonion

Pokemon Go is “prohibited” by Islam

According to a top Sunni Muslim official in Egypt, the obsessive nature of Pokemon GO leads people to neglect their jobs and lives in a similar way to alcohol, which is already prohibited by Islam. So I guess this makes Pokemon a sin. Nintendo must be pretty steamed that they can’t have any Sunni Muslim players. I guess they’ll just have to be happy having the entire rest of the world.

Help number on some Maine EBT cards is actually a phone sex line

It seems that some people in Maine have a typo on their EBT cards that directs them not to their balance, but to a phone sex hotline. Apparently the phone number printed on the cards was off by one digit causing what has to be the most hilarious official typo ever.
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Long Hard Road Out of Texas: ODO 29

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Long Hard Road Out of Texas

     This week I give an update on what’s been going on with me for the past few weeks and share the harrowing tale of my recent family trek back across Texas. In BS From the News, I’ve got a story about some police trying to return somebody’s bag and a very “personal” dress.

What’s been going on with the Odd Dad Out

     For those who don’t already know, I have minor scoliosis. Not the steel rod in my back kind, but the kind that can give me a decent amount of back pain. While editing the last episode, I actually threw my back out and was left out of work for most of a week. After a trip to The Joint, I was able to get back to work.
     Shortly after the back incident, over the Independance Day weekend, we made the long trip back to Texas to pick up a car. On the way out to San Antonio, the a/c went out on my van. Although this was uncomfortable, we could just put the kids in the newer car, no problem. Unfortunately, about an hour into our return trip, the car began to overheat. barely making it halfway to our first stop, we stopped overnight and began anew on July 4th. After attempted fixes, and hours of driving slowly in 100+ degree heat, we eventually left the car with my wife’s friend and went home. We were on the road from 10am monday to just before 7 am tuesday, just in time for my wife to turn around to leave for work. Longest weekend ever.

Bullshit From the News

Police in Aspen, CO are trying to locate the owner of a bag of cocaine that was left on the self checkout scanner of a local grocery store.

Woman’s Pubic Hair Dress Takes Fashion World By The Short Hairs

  UK designer Sarah Louise Bryan, in an effort to come up with the most disgusting dress design she could, recently unveiled a bra and skirt covered in human pubic hair.

This episode brought to you by:

http://whatshappeningwiththenewman.podbean.com/
What’s Happening With The NewMan
Mark Newman hosts a lifestyle podcast with everything from kids, food, gardening and other random stuff the NewMan is up to. It may be spending a day fishing for tadpoles with the kids or a how-to on making your own meat pies. It’s always something different and honest from the NewMan, just don’t mention the price of carrots…



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ODO 28: Iguanas, and Black Bears, and Does, Oh My!

Iguanas, and Black Bears, and Does, Oh My!

     I swear I’m not sick all the time! This week I take the show in a new direction (again) and get back to the comedy foundation this show was intended to have. To that end I have opted to seek out strange news stories to pick on and ridicule for your amusement.
     Completely unintentionally, I have fallen into an animal theme this week. I’ve got courtroom iguanas, bears in marathons, and a killer deer. Of course none of this would be funny if somebody didn’t do something dumb. Enjoy!


-X-ray catches man trying to sneak iguana into courtroom
    A man in Boulder, CO was denied entry to a courtroom when security officials saw the skeletal outline of an iguana on the x-ray of his bag.

-Black Bear attacks woman running marathon in New Mexico
     A woman in northern New Mexico was attacked by a mother bear while running a marathon through a wildlife preserve.
-Ohio Woman ‘Prisoner’ in Own Home Due to Deer Attacks
     A woman in Ohio has contacted local Fish and Game authorities claiming she is being held prisoner in her own home by a doe that has attacked her while walking her dogs.

Is it just me or are people slowly becoming dumber than the animals we are supposed to be superior to? Whether it is somebody attacked in a zoo exhibit or in a pond in Florida, it all amounts to ignorance and negligence on the part of the human. Animals are being animals. People are supposed to know better. They are not called wild animals for nothing. The inevitable conclusion is that we are slowly de-evolving until the animals take over and we have something akin to a “Babar” or “Planet of the Apes” situation. Or I could just be “poking the bear”

  

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Lessons From the Road: ODO 27/ MDC 10

Lessons From the Road

Crossover Show!!

This week we are knocking out two birds with one stone. This week I’m sharing Episode 10 of the “Mom and Dad Cuss” podcast which I share with my wife. Since both shows were going to discuss our recent vacation, I figured why record separate shows at all?

We are back from our annual vacation to Texas. After executing what we feel has been our most successful vacation to date, we decided to share some of our road stories and tips for surviving the experience.

This year we drove the family van the 1100 miles from Surprise, AZ to Corpus Christi, TX to visit our families. With 4 small children it is obviously no easy task. We made it a point this year to have some sort of activity planned each day of the vacation in order to avoid the dreaded cabin fever that has plagued us in years past. One morning we were even forced to get our day started early by a fire alarm in our hotel. (false alarm by the way) But it was an overall highly successful vacation. and we definitely learned some things worth sharing this year.

Our Vacation Pro Tips:

  • If you can stand to do it, driving is much more economical. Our total fuel cost round trip was less than the cost of a single plane ticket. With a family of 6 flying would have beyond broken our budget.
  • Staying with family is always a handy was to save a bit on hotels. It also means you’ll have a kitchen handy to have home cooked meals. This also helps reduce dependence on restaurants all the time.
  • If staying in a hotel, look into getting an extended stay suite with a  kitchen. They are typically a bit roomier and again having a kitchen severely reduces dependence on takeout. Considering the cost of dining out for every meal for a family of any size, the cost of the suite with kitchen is more than made up in the big picture.
  • Put your vacation budget on a prepaid gift card (Visa, AMEX, MasterCard.) It’s a great way to avoid overspending. We even separated out our projected gas budget for the trip on a second card to keep those funds safe from accidental spending.
  • Consider purchasing solid shampoo for the trip. We use a variety sold by LUSH. It is easier to pack/ use/ travel with than bottles. And, if you are flying, you avoid the hassle of TSA security trouble over a bottle of shampoo.

ODO 26: A Lesson From Spongebob

A Lesson From Spongebob

     This week I experiment with a new format including defined segments. Forgive me, I haven’t gotten all the kinks worked out, but I’m open to any suggestions.
Segments will include: “BS From the News” where I provide commentary on a particular news story from the past week, “Storytime (working title)” which will be my topic/ rant of the week, and finally a “Podcast of the Week” where I simply recommend or review a podcast either from my subscriptions or reviewed twitter followers.

 BS From the News

George Zimmerman is trying to sell the gun used to kill Trayvon Martin.

Seemingly to add insult to injury, former neighborhood watchman, George Zimmerman, is making attempts to auction off the gun he used to shoot and kill unarmed teen Trayvon Martin. Personally I felt like both parties were guilty in this case. Zimmerman racially profiled a kid and pursued him against police instruction. Trayvon Martin physically assaulted Zimmerman. Regardless of who is “more” at fault, a kid died. Now this guy, who has been dancing with legal trouble since his trial, is just trying to extend his 15 minutes of fame while simultaneously demonstrating how much of an asshole he can be.

Story Time

How Spongebob Squarepants Explained Profanity in Modern Times

     I am a frequent user of profanity, as any regular listener would know. But I am not one of those people that just throws F-bombs around aimlessly. Especially in modern times, there is a particular case to be made for the use of profanity in common language. A particular episode of Spongebob Squarepants titled “Sailor’s Mouth” described the use of profanity as “sentence enhancers.” Although in the episode the comical profanity is misunderstood and still used negatively, the idea is still valid.
    Personally I use profanity as a means of enhancing the emotion of a phrase. It also works well at defining the scope or scale of something as used on the “Numbers” episode of Penn & Teller’s Bullshit. Once Penn starts defining numbers in large groups, he goes from a lot to an assload to a shitload to a motherfuckingshitload. Here the use of profanity clearly explains the size and scope of the thing. It may be vulgar but it is well and understood by just about everybody.

Podcast of the Week

Sanspants Radio

    Coming from Australia,the crew at Sanspants Radio produce a number of podcasts including “Shut Up a Second,” “It’s Just Good Business,” “Plumbing the Death Star,” ” Movie Maintenance,” and “D&D is For Nerds.” The Entire group of shows is completely hilarious. All of the shows fit a sort of panel discussion format and the particular program defines the subject category from movies to business to nerdom and random concepts. Completely unfiltered and utterly ridiculous, if you enjoy random improvised comedy, this is a must listen.

 

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ODO 25: Moving Days

Moving Days

Back from my break to move to our new house. We aren’t totally settled in yet but we are at least in the new house. Just making this move reminded me of how much of an adventure moving is, and how much my pro skill at moving has dive bombed over the years.

I grew up in a radio family, which is right up there with the military for gypsy lifestyle. The instability of the radio business means the possibility of having to relocate on the fly. Growing up in that got me and my brothers very efficient at loading a moving van and getting moved. After I got married it seems that efficiency is gone.
As a kid I could break down my room in nothing flat. And I could load and unload a moving truck inside of a day without trouble. The first move I ever made after getting married took over 24 hours to just get the truck loaded. It just got worse from there. Every move since has taken from days to weeks to complete, including the most recent one taking over 2 weeks to actually finish. Our more recent moves have been shorter distances, which has lulled us into thinking we could take them more casually. That is dumb. We’ve been dumb.
Never take moving casually. It will just bite you in the ass. If you ever think that you can just use a trailer and just make a couple separate trips… don’t. It doesn’t matter what the distance is, if you have an actual house, use a moving truck. Plus get everything ready and get all of it moved in one shot. We have tried doing the shuttling in small trips plan twice and both times have been way more of a headache. It may seem kinda obvious, but the lesson I’ve let slip away over the years is simply to be prepared. Be ready to go way before you need to. I have at least one more move to make, and next time I’m gonna be ready for it.

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ODO 24: Drinking with Family

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Drinking with Family

It’s a fun night with family. This week I am joined by my wife ReAnna, oldest sister MG (Raevyn Lunatic), her husband Derek (Rev. Knuckleface), and her son Glenn (Fabulous the 2nd.) For the occasion we cracked open a bottle of  “God’s Pillow” from the “Clockwork Chemists”, and  Angry Orchard “Iceman.”
By the nature of our family, we just start talking about whatever comes to mind. Just because we have so much fun hanging out we went on for-ev-er… Topics ranged from our grandparents deaths to “Alf” to “Game of Thrones.” Believe it or not the alcohol has nothing to do with our behavior. We are just like this when we get together. Enjoy!!

www.arizonaderbydames.com/
Clockwork Chemists

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ODO 23: Podcast Infection

Podcast Infection

*Update* It looks like the file glitched somewhere in processing and was full of errors. I have since fixed it. My apologies. Thank you to Andrew on Facebook for pointing it out for me to fix.*

I’m getting a little “Meta” this week. (Is that how you use that?) This week I’m taking on podcasting as a virus/ addiction. I go from initial infection of the podcasting bug, to infecting others, to growing into the podcaster strain and replicating it and spreading to even more people. Whether you’re just consuming or are creating, there is no escaping it. Once you’ve been infected with the podcast, there’s no going back, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

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ODO 22: Anti-Social Media

I’m just gonna say it, I suck at social Media. This week I explain my love/hate… mostly hate relationship with social media. From Myspace to Snapchat and everything in between, I am a general failure. I am also quite aware of the hypocrisy of sharing this podcast about hating social media to ALL my social media platforms. But hey, I have to spread the word somehow.
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