Episodes

ODO 37: The Price of Fame

The Price of Fame

 Back in old form, this week is just a good old fashioned stream of consciousness type discussion about  fame and how the media covers BS stories simply for ratings. Of course that opens up a whole big can of worms running from the Kardashians to Donald Trump. Throw in some surprising words of wisdom courtesy of a recent Nerdist interview with Sarah Jessica Parker, and we’ve got a nice train of thought. Believe it or not, I even manage to tie it all in with the creepy clown epidemic, because I can just pull that off.

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Podcast Day 2016

Podcast Day 2016

It’s International Podcast Day! I decided that to celebrate I would break format and just invite all my boys to hang out with me on the show. Let the trainwreck commence.

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Not So Big An A-Hole: ODO 36

 

Not So Big an A-Hole

   For most all of my post-high school life I have been said to be kind of an asshole. To a degree it’s been almost a point of pride. Now that I’m older I’m starting to wonder if it’s more “kind of” and less “asshole.”

     Anybody who’s familiar with my family would agree, I come from a long line of assholes. My dad is known to be a bit of an asshole. My grandfather was in politics so you know he was an asshole. I’ve heard his dad was a bit of an asshole as well. That’s not to say that we aren’t good people, but there is definitely a reigning character trait about the men in my family. Our family name has such notorious asshole cred that it has even been translated into a musical.
     Anybody familiar with “My Fair Lady” will recall that the male lead in that story is professor Higgins. Most people would chock that up to a coincidence or just needing a name for a character. That’s until you look at the guy. He’s a screaming asshole the entire time. He’s so much of a jerk that his best friend has to explain it to Eliza that it’s nothing personal, he’s just like that. The funniest part of it is that his character is a perfect example of my family and myself. He isn’t malicious. He isn’t intentionally hurtful. He’s just generally a dick to everybody. He’s rude and blunt and is for the most part abusive to everybody on some level, especially those he cares about. It’s almost as if the more he cares, the more abuse he dishes out. Oh wait, that’s exactly what it is! I know because that is a perfect description of most of the men in my family.
     Every girl I’ve ever been with, including my wife, can tell you that I show my affection through abuse. Now I’m not saying I beat my wife. I would never do something so terrible. What I mean is that a day doesn’t go by that I don’t pick on my wife about something. It’s a rare day when I don’t call her out for being short. ( She’s 4’10” for the record.) Or I will give her crap about her non-existent math skills. It’s all in good fun and not malicious. I think the key is that I don’t do it to hurt her. Her stature and math abilities are facts. I just make it a point a remind her of those facts when it is comedically useful.
     Oddly enough I’ve come to realize that I’m not the biggest asshole I know by far. This whole thought came from one of the guys at work. Of the people I currently know, he is easily the biggest asshole. He is one of those guys who has a super short fuse and will not hesitate to call you a piece of shit to your face. He doesn’t care much about people’s feelings. I believe “gives zero fucks” is the proper phrase. The difference is he’s mean in a mean way. He’s the kind of guy who says shit that makes you want to stab him in the face with a soldering iron. I know this from personal experience. ( Thank goodness for anger management.)
    Doing silly quizzes with my wife made me think to find an asshole quiz for myself. After an extensive google search, and by extensive I mean I searched “asshole quiz” and clicked the top 3 things, I’ve determined that I’m only about 40% of an asshole. Not even halfway there. I have to admit I am kind of disappointed. Here I am, a legacy asshole, and I don’t even crack 50%. Then I started to think about the questions on these things and I realized that they didn’t actually test for assholes. These quizzes, like every one of them, is actually testing for douchebags. As a card carrying asshole I am going to stand up and say that these are very different things indeed. I am most emphatically not a douchebag. What these quizzes determined was assholery was frequently hurting others for your own entertainment or a disregard for others for your own enjoyment. In a nutshell, douchebagery.
     I may be a dick, but I take no pleasure in hurting somebody. I don’t do anything to harm someone or hurt their feelings. I personally feel that is the defining line between douchebag and asshole. For a really dumb analogy, I’d say the douchebag is the unsophisticated frat boy, while the asshole is the smart-ass doctor treating him for alcohol poisoning. Another example, it’s the difference between someone telling dick jokes and someone doing intelligent humor. You have to have a certain intelligence to be an effective asshole. It takes a serious thinking mind to come up with some of the grade-A assholery from men such as Dennis Leary and Dennis Miller. Or maybe you just need to be named Dennis. Either way, if it puts me in the same category as thinkers like Miller and Leary and Lewis Black, I think I’ll just keep on being an asshole.

Bullshit From the News

It’s all behind them: ‘Butt-chugging’ fraternity returns to UT | News | utdailybeacon.com
 The Pi Kappa Alpha Fraternity at the University of Tennessee is being reinstated after being booted from campus four years ago for the use of “wine enemas.” This puts stupid douchebag fratboy antics to a new level. How dumb do you have to be to think that pouring wine into a hose in your butt is a good idea?

For the second time the CDC has issued a warning that kissing your pet chickens can lead to salmonella poisoning. I realize that some people view chickens as pets, but to me they are food. Don’t kiss your very very very raw chicken dinner. It will get you sick.

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Putting the Labor in Labor Day: ODO 35

Putting the Labor in Labor Day

     This week was Labor Day in the US. I mention it being in the US because apparently I’m actually more popular overseas than I am at home. Just kidding, I’m not popular anywhere. But anyway, it was Labor day on Monday, a day where we honor the blue collar working man by giving all the white collar guys the day off.
I actually didn’t have work on Labor Day. This is partially because I work for a relatively small company, and our boss is cool like that. But mostly it’s because I don’t work on Mondays anyway. “Happy Labor Day! Enjoy your regular day off.” I’m kidding, kinda. I get holiday pay for this shit. Who am I to bitch?

     Now I maybe possibly have previously mentioned before, and by “maybe possibly” I mean I’ve bludgeoned you over the head repeatedly with the fact, that I work overnights. Well, when you have a federal holiday come up like we just had, and your boss decides to give everyone the day off, that work still has to get done somewhere. So the end of my last week was a motherfucker of a bitch. I’m talking 10-11 hour shifts with 3 man crews, multiple mechanical issues with my work vehicles… (RIP van 13) and just generally stress city. So Friday night I end up not getting out of work until about 5am. And for those of you who want to nit-pick, yes I know that’s Saturday morning. And, like I’ve oh so subtly mentioned, I live fucking far from my office. This means I got home around 6am to a big fat “I told you so” from my wife. To cap it off, I had to be back at the office at noon to do a job 2 hours away. Obviously I didn’t exactly have the best sleep going into that work night. I was downing so much caffeine on that drive I’m pretty sure I saw a mosquito have a seizure. After all that I ended up getting back home just before midnight, which any other day would feel great. But after the pre-weekend I’d just worked, I was surprised I survived the drive home.
     Of course since my wife was sitting on a 3-day weekend, we had to make use of the time. We had a whole list of things we needed to get done: We had to buy groceries, fix the baby’s crib, clean up the back yard, I needed to finally fix that clogged toilet in the hall bathroom… Never mind that there was still the feeding and caring for the 4 small life forms that share our house. And out of all the things we had to do this weekend, we did precisely DICK. I didn’t get a damn thing done for 2 whole days. Ok I went to the grocery store for milk and bread. Past that, I spent the majority of 2 days drifting from one nap to another. Don’t get me wrong. I don’t like that I didn’t get anything done, but I was just plain old tired. I realize that pushed every single one of those honey-do’s to next weekend potentially, but what better way could I have possibly spent my Labor Day than laying on my couch doing absofuckinglutely nothing?

Bullshit From the News

 

Car rolls into river after spider scares teen driver

An 18 year old girl in Australia watched her car roll into a river after jumping out to swat away a huntsman spider. She was only able to half apply her parking brake before jumping out and saw her car slowly roll down a boat ramp and out of reach. I may not be afraid of spiders (much) but from my understanding of the size of the huntsman, I’d probably end up crashing into the river.

 

Emergency response triggered at Ohio school after forty students eat one of the world’s hottest peppers

A middle school student shared a batch of Bhut Jolokia peppers with his classmates causing the school to call for EMT’s after they started to become sick. These were at one time considered the hottest chilies in the world. They are rated with an average heat level of over 1 million Scoville, which is, to say the least, really REALLY hot. In so many words, kids are dumb. Kids will eat anything, and peer pressure is a bitch.
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Remembering Gene Wilder: ODO 34

Remembering Gene Wilder: ODO 34

What’s the deal 2016!? Stop killing our legends! I know I’m not the first to say it, but this has become the year the legends died. The loss of Gene Wilder this week just pushes that point home.

     Unless you’ve been living under a rock for the last week, you’ve probably heard that, legendary comic actor, Gene Wilder passed away this week. Of course, when an artist of his caliber passes away, the world collectively mourns. I’ve mentioned before that I am a very sensitive person. I realize that here it may seem like my only emotion is angry smartass. But I really truly have feelings, all of them. Now I’m not gonna sit here and cry in my cornflakes, as the young kids say. For me, especially with comedians, I try to “remember the laughs not the loss.”

 

Bullshit From the News

 South Carolina Neighborhood Reports Clowns Are Trying To Lure Kids Into The Woods

There is a neighborhood in South Carolina where a group of people dressed as clown have been seen wandering around in the nearby woods. They apparently have been trying to lure the neighborhood kids into the woods with large amounts of cash. Fortunately no kids have been harmed, but the story itself is creepy as hell.

Cocaine stash found in Coca-Cola factory worth $74 million

A shipment of fruit juice at a Coca-Cola factory was found to contain $74 million in cocaine. When the factory workers opened up the shipment they discovered the drugs and informed the authorities. I don’t know how much $74 million in cocaine is, but I’m picturing a shipping container full of duct tape bricks.

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The Magic School Bus: ODO 33

The Magic School Bus

     After weeks of trying to get a new episode recorded, I’m finally back. School is back as well and I’ve got a bone to pick with the people on the road. This week’s “BS From the News” has a woman with psychological issues, a woman committed to a scam, a hungry cop, and a twist ending to a great play in baseball.
     Things have been pretty hectic in the Odd Dad household lately. Between my wife and I both working lots of overtime and school starting back up for our oldest, I’m beat. I’ve honestly been trying to get a new episode recorded for weeks to no avail. If you follow me on Twitter or Facebook at all you know that I hate missing shows. And if you’ve been following the show for any amount of time you know I work nights and have 4 boys with me during the day. Unfortunately because of overtime lately I’ve been getting home from work around 4-5 am. Then I have to turn around and wake up at 6:30 to get the boys up and ready for the day. Makes me miss the summer days when I could sleep in as late as 7:00 or even 7:15 on a good day.
But now it is back to school days and school routine. Back to being Mr Mom and the Magic School Bus all put together. Let’s not forget, my wife works days and is out the door before 7:00. This leaves me changing diapers, getting little boys dressed, making sure the older boys got dressed, getting everyone breakfast, making sure the oldest has packed his lunch and has his homework, and then battling the sea of assholes on the drive to school every day. But that’s fine. I’ve got our morning routine down. I’ve got alarms and backup alarms just in case so that we can get all loaded up and out the door on time. That is, of course, as long as the traffic doesn’t throw everything completely to hell.
Some days are fine. Other times we sit in traffic forever. I don’t understand it at all. I know I leave the house at the same time every day whether it’s work or school. I have my schedule for travel. If you are taking the same path everyday, barring an accident, shouldn’t the traffic pattern be the same? Shouldn’t the same assholes be going to the same places every day? Every day for me traffic is a total crap-shoot. One day may take 20 minutes the next could be 35, without any accidents or otherwise identifiable interference. Why can’t people just go the same way to the same place at the same time everyday? Why can’t other people figure out their path to work or school and stick to it everyday so that I don’t have to sit in gridlock with a van full of cranky boys arguing about whatever song is on the radio?
Sometimes I wonder what people must think when they see me sitting in traffic. Skinny ponytail guy in a bandanna with 4 cute kids in the back with Rob Zombie or Adele on the radio. Although there are probably very different reactions to those situations…

Bullshit From the News

Woman tells police she was RAPED by a Pokemon Go character after she felt an ‘assault’ | Daily Mail Online

A woman in the UK claims to have been raped by a Pokemon character after falling asleep playing the game. She claims she felt somebody assault her and woke up to find a pokemon character on her bed in the game. Both the police and her family told her to seek psychological treatment. This may be one fantasy taken a bit too far.

 

Vietnam woman “cuts off limbs for insurance payout” – BBC News

A woman in Vietnam paid a stranger over $2000 to chop off her foot and arm and then claim to have seen them severed by a train. The ultimate goal being to make an insurance claim against the railroad and get a big payout. Ironically, after the investigation found the fraud, the authorities didn’t charge the pair with anything since there isn’t actually as law on the books to cover that situation. The police probably figured the loss of an arm and foot without the big payoff is punishment enough anyway.

SAPD suspends officer for choosing Whataburger over providing backup | kens5.com

A police officer in San Antonio, Texas was suspended after he failed to backup other officers detaining an intoxicated person outside of a Whataburger. Instead he placed an order and ate while the other officers had to call for backup. This may seem extreme, but if you live in Texas for any amount of time, you learn that Texans will forgo many things for a Whataburger. I just hope the grilled onions and fried jalapenos were worth his job.

Baseball Player’s Grand Slam Smashes His Own Truck Windshield

Brandon Thomas of the Gateway Grizzlies in Sauget, Illinois hit a grand slam home run right out of the park. Unfortunately for Brandon, his home run ball went straight over the wall and into his windshield. He seemed to be in good spirits about it later having tweeted out “Definitely worth it.” I can’t blame the guy. It doesn’t matter what level you play at, a grand slam is a rare and awesome stat to have on your record. Props to Brandon and here’s hoping you had glass coverage on your auto insurance.
The before and after from last night lol still can’t believe this really happened pic.twitter.com/nlBK1tfFpo

— Brandon Thomas (@brandonthomas6) August 22, 2016

 

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ODO 32: Poké of Shame

 

Poké of Shame

     This week I have a shameful confession to make. Then I take a moment to geek out about all the new superhero stuff going on. And, in BS From the News we learn why you shouldn’t leave your dogs in your car and we meet a noblewoman with an interesting pest problem. Plus I give an update on building my podcast network, and I need your help.

     I have a painful confession this week. I have started playing Pokémon Go. Now before you call me out on my acknowledged semi-hypocrisy, a caveat to this confession. My wife downloaded the game to my phone and logged in to her account so I could help her at night while I’m working. So technically I’m not playing, I’m just a co-pilot to my wife.

    Since I’ve already jumped down the nerd rabbit hole, I might as well go all in. Last week I mentioned that San Diego Comic-Con just passed. Since I was bitching about the idiocy of holding a multi-million dollar party to toot your own horn on a nation scale, I didn’t really talk about it. But honestly, outside of the show, it’s almost all I’ve been able to talk about. Between the new Justice League teaser, the first trailer for Wonder Woman, and the mass of comic TV news I’ve been super excited about the upcoming superhero landscape. At the same time, the early reviews for Suicide Squad have been less than favorable. This sucks because I was really looking forward to this movie. (Full disclosure: I haven’t seen a new super hero movie since The Winter Soldier. Hard to do with a house full of kids and a wife that doesn’t like comic movies.)

Bullshit From the News

     A woman in Wayne, West Virginia left her two little dogs in her car with the engine running outside of a Walmart. Somehow the dogs managed to put the car in gear and slowly crashed it into the side of the building. Now, as a resident of Arizona, it is HIGHLY illegal to leave your animals in your car here. I don’t think this is anywhere near why those laws were written. 
     An 81 year old British Viscountess has requested permission to use a machine gun to exterminate the badger population on her estate. She claims that badgers have been eating her lambs for years. Not wanting to get too into the political issue of badger culling in the UK, doesn’t this just sound like a weird arcade game? This sounds like something they install in the game room at the senior center. Come play “Badger Busters.” Stop those pesky badgers from making off with your lambs using your trusty AK-47.

Odd Dad Out News

     I’m starting to make moves towards building up the Odd Dad Out podcast network. Along with ODO and Mom and Dad Cuss, there’s also What’s Happening With the NewMan that will be part of things once it all kicks off in full.
But, since I can’t leave well enough alone, I have one more show that I want to produce that I will need some input to get off the ground. I am intending to produce a podcast about ghost stories. But to do that I need stories. Whether it is your favorite campfire story, a story from your childhood, or maybe something you personally experienced, I wanna hear it. I want to share these stories, and maybe give a new group of people a little fright. If you have a spooky story that you would like to share, email it to odddadout@gmail.com.   

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The Unconventional Conventionist: ODO 31

 

The Unconventional Conventionist

     It’s been a year since I started making this podcast so I started looking back at how much I’ve grown in the past year. Then I yak about just how dumb political conventions are. In “BS From the News” I’ve got a story about an interesting flood relief charity and a Washington man who just got bored.

This week marks one year since this podcast began. I have come a long way since then, and have a long way to go still. But I think I’m finally getting a hang of this thing, and I think I finally have my show figured out. Thank you to everyone out there who has supported this show over the last year. I may not be famous, but I have made something, and you have listened.
It’s convention time for the big political parties, and I have one question for them all, why? I understand the point of the party conventions is to select the party nominee for the presidential election. There are also some other things that are done, like party rule changes and policy blah blah blah. But what is the deal with all the hooplah? Why is it that all these I don’t big names in the different parties show up and make these big speeches about how great their particular political party is to a bunch of their own party members? You are quite literally preaching to the choir. On a similar note, why do they go up on stage talking up the nominee?  Hilary Clinton and Donald Trump walked into their respective conventions as the presumptive nominees as a result of the primary process, did they not? Then why are all these people going up trying to sell the rest of the people in attendance on this candidate. News Flash! They are on your side. I get that there are people in each party that don’t necessarily like the selected candidates, but those are not the kind of people who typically are at the conventions. Yes there are the small groups that don’t like the turnout of the primaries, but again if somebody got the votes in the primaries, obviously the opposition is outnumbered. Everyone else in the room drank the kool-aide. Just accept that you lost and deal. And while you’re at it, if you have to give an unnecessary speech, keep it short. I don’t care how political you are, nobody likes having shows pre-empted. My wife was about to punch Bernie Sanders out on our TV because she was missing “the Bachelorette.”

Bullshit From the News

Strip Club to Donate Lap Dance Proceeds to Flood Relief

The Blue Parrot Cabaret in Morgantown, West Virginia is raising money for flood relief in southern W. VA. by donating a portion of the money from lap dances to charity. What better way is there to help those most hurt by the flood damage than to get a lap dance?

Man Leads Police on High Speed Chase Across 2 Counties Because He Was “Bored”

A man in Washington state lead police on a high speed car chase that lead authorities back and forth across 2 counties. After his arrest the man claimed he just did it because he was bored.
I don’t know about you, but if I were “bored” I would think a little longer about what to do if “try to outrun a bunch of angry cops” is even an option.

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ODO 30 I Choose You, Or Not

PlayPlay

I Choose You, Or Not…

     I have learned that work trips are a great way to observe general human stupidity in action. Plus the 400 lb app in the room, we’re talking Pokemon Go. And in “BS From the News” we’ll learn probably the only thing in the way of poke-world domination, and just how bad one little typo can be.

     Is this irony, or meta, or just a silly coincidence? I was listening to my buddy Mark from “What’s Happening With the NewMan” while I was on the road for work. In his last episode (#16 if you’re wondering) he not only mentions my last episode, but also that he was on his own road trip with his family while he was listening to it. On top of that he was also plagued with car troubles in a similar manner. Almost makes me feel like there’s a jinx on it or something. But hey, we survived, he survived, all is good.
     Speaking of road trips for work, my job recently restarted doing overnight out of town jobs. This is good and bad. It means lots of hours because these are obviously jobs too far away for a day trip so I get paid for lots of driving. On the down side it means lots of driving and staying the night in a hotel with one of the other techs. And of course there’s the people at the hotels. Is it just me or do people’s brains turn off when they go on vacation. We stayed in Lake Havasu City, with lots of drunk people partying on the lake or at the pool until all hours. Then in the morning they still haven’t recovered the brain cells they fried the day before in time for breakfast. I sat down to breakfast at the hotel and watched the little old lady buffet attendant explain how to use the waffle iron to the same group of people 10 times in a row. The instructions are on the waffle iron, and they’re on the waffle batter, and the machine has a little arrow telling you to flip the thing over. Oh yeah, and the lady JUST SAID IT 10 TIMES ! I realize that these hot breakfast/ do it yourself waffle iron things a relatively new in the grand scheme of hotel life, but the instructions are right there, plastered on everything involved.
     But enough about stupid people. I’ve gotta mention the latest app to wreck havoc on everybody’s data plans. Of course it’s Pokemon GO. This is the latest app to get everybody to devote every waking hour to their phones. The difference here is that this one has the backing of 20 years of poke legacy to draw everyone in. I’m not a fan, never have been, and I was actually in the target demographic when the original games came out. I understand how people can get sucked into a  game like this. It gives you a goal to achieve, gotta catch them all. And you get a sense of excitement as you get closer to that goal by catching another one or evolving one or winning battles. I get it. But people just get way too obsessed with mobile apps. It has taken over everything. I’ve seen strip clubs promoting cold beer and rare pokemon inside. What about the naked girls? Isn’t that the entire point of your existence? The only plus side for me is that now that poke-memes are taking over the internet, all of the stupid minion memes are going away. But is this really a lesser of 2 evils situation?

 

Bullshit From the News

This week’s stories gathered from the subreddit r/nottheonion

Pokemon Go is “prohibited” by Islam

According to a top Sunni Muslim official in Egypt, the obsessive nature of Pokemon GO leads people to neglect their jobs and lives in a similar way to alcohol, which is already prohibited by Islam. So I guess this makes Pokemon a sin. Nintendo must be pretty steamed that they can’t have any Sunni Muslim players. I guess they’ll just have to be happy having the entire rest of the world.

Help number on some Maine EBT cards is actually a phone sex line

It seems that some people in Maine have a typo on their EBT cards that directs them not to their balance, but to a phone sex hotline. Apparently the phone number printed on the cards was off by one digit causing what has to be the most hilarious official typo ever.
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Long Hard Road Out of Texas: ODO 29

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Long Hard Road Out of Texas

     This week I give an update on what’s been going on with me for the past few weeks and share the harrowing tale of my recent family trek back across Texas. In BS From the News, I’ve got a story about some police trying to return somebody’s bag and a very “personal” dress.

What’s been going on with the Odd Dad Out

     For those who don’t already know, I have minor scoliosis. Not the steel rod in my back kind, but the kind that can give me a decent amount of back pain. While editing the last episode, I actually threw my back out and was left out of work for most of a week. After a trip to The Joint, I was able to get back to work.
     Shortly after the back incident, over the Independance Day weekend, we made the long trip back to Texas to pick up a car. On the way out to San Antonio, the a/c went out on my van. Although this was uncomfortable, we could just put the kids in the newer car, no problem. Unfortunately, about an hour into our return trip, the car began to overheat. barely making it halfway to our first stop, we stopped overnight and began anew on July 4th. After attempted fixes, and hours of driving slowly in 100+ degree heat, we eventually left the car with my wife’s friend and went home. We were on the road from 10am monday to just before 7 am tuesday, just in time for my wife to turn around to leave for work. Longest weekend ever.

Bullshit From the News

Police in Aspen, CO are trying to locate the owner of a bag of cocaine that was left on the self checkout scanner of a local grocery store.

Woman’s Pubic Hair Dress Takes Fashion World By The Short Hairs

  UK designer Sarah Louise Bryan, in an effort to come up with the most disgusting dress design she could, recently unveiled a bra and skirt covered in human pubic hair.

This episode brought to you by:

http://whatshappeningwiththenewman.podbean.com/
What’s Happening With The NewMan
Mark Newman hosts a lifestyle podcast with everything from kids, food, gardening and other random stuff the NewMan is up to. It may be spending a day fishing for tadpoles with the kids or a how-to on making your own meat pies. It’s always something different and honest from the NewMan, just don’t mention the price of carrots…



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