Adam’s Rants- The Objectification Objective

The Objectification Objective


 I was listening to the radio in the car and a familiar song came on, Ex’s and Oh’s by Elle King. You know you know it. It’s that song where Rob Schneider’s daughter sings about how she’s so great in bed that all the guys she used to bang are constantly hunting her down for more. Wait! What!? You didn’t know that’s what it’s about? Tic Tac Toe you say? That there is part of the problem. People don’t pay attention to lyrics, even when they like the song. The only ones paying attention are the whackos looking for a reason to be offended. But that’s not the  point. The point is that this is just one more song that shows a blatant double standard of objectifying men in music. Ex’s and Oh’s is catchy as hell, but if the genders were flipped and a man sang it, it would be  crucified as sexist and derogatory and probably result in a boycott. But if it’s done by a woman it’s feminism and strength.

Looking back, the music world is full  of male objectifying songs. Salt n Peppa probably had the most iconic example ever with “What a Man.” Great song. It’s a classic, no doubt, but all it talks about is how attractive this guy is and how great he is in bed. Even more recently, Christina Aguilera had “Candyman.” Super upbeat, very swingy, dirty as all get out. The entire song is devoted to describing the guy all the girls wanna fuck. No romance, just talking about tongue skills, panties dropping, and a real big “moan…”
 I’m not saying men don’t make these same songs about women. Hell, you’ll find at least one on every rap album ever made. That’s not the point. The point is that when a man does it, it is called out for what it is. When a woman does it, it is labeled as some form of female empowerment or feminism. So to that I call bullshit. Man or woman, objectification is objectification. Don’t tap-dance around it.

 Here’s the twist. I’m not complaining about objectification. In it’s own way, objectification is a personal goal of every person on Earth. You’d be hard pressed to find a person that wouldn’t want “somebody” to stare at them thinking, “I want a piece of that.” No, not everyone, but at least that special someone. Even in that capacity it is still objectifying someone. Why do women wear sexy clothes, so others will look at them. You may get the excuse of ” it makes me feel better about myself.” Well you don’t feel better if nobody is looking. You don’t wear the wonder bra for your personality. On the same token, a man will go to the gym, and primp and groom, and show off just so women will look at him and fantasize about sex. People don’t stare at brains. Objectification isn’t all bad. There’s an entire industry based on it. It’s called “modeling.” The point is that everyone wants to be seen as a sexual object to somebody at some point. Man or woman, it doesn’t matter. Just don’t bullshit about it.

ODO 40: Steak, Glue, and Baseball Too!


Steak, Glue, and Baseball Too!

Better late than never, this week I have some fun Halloween stories to share including one about an entire Burger King. I chat about the new Wonder Woman trailer. In BS From the News, I’ve got a very disgruntled gambler. And the Jackass of the Week goes to an entire group of girls that let their celebrity worship lead to some bad purchases.


Congratulations to the Chicago Cubs for World Series Victory

After a 108 year stretch, the Chicago Cubs finally won their first World Series since 1908. I’m not a sports fan but all the congratulations in the world are due to them for finally ending the streak.

Burger King Has Best Halloween Costume Ever

For Halloween, this Burger King, in Queens, New York, dressed up as the ghost of McDonald’s.


Warner Bros. Releases new Trailer for Wonder Woman



Bullshit From the News

Slot machine winner denied $43 million jackpot, offered steak dinner – CNN.com 

 A woman in Jamaica, Queens, New York was left very disappointed after seeming to win nearly $43 million on a “penny” slot machine. The problem, that machine only had a max jackpot of $6500. Casino officials removed the machine to investigate and found that it (obviously) had malfunctioned.
Unfortunately for her, the actual prize won was only $2.25, according to the printout in the machine. As a consolation for the confusion, the casino offered the woman a complimentary steak dinner.

Jackass of the Week

 Customers Complain Fake Kylie Lip Kits Are Made With Glue and Gas 

Sidebar: Celebrity worship is fundamentally stupid. People do utterly brainless things all to imitate somebody famous.
Enter the extreme cases of Kardashian worship and the super fans of the Kardashian /Jenner clan that will blindly buy anything with their name. In this particular case, fans of the, frequently sold out, Kylie Jenner lip kits have resorted to purchasing knockoff versions that ultimately end up containing less than safe ingredients. In some cases girls have had their lips glued shut, or complained of a gasoline smell.

@KylieJenner fake Koko k I got… Literally has glue in it! So gross!! So not cute….. pic.twitter.com/Ha7J8WAvja

— emma morgan (@emmamorg3) October 26, 2016

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Am I a Nerd or a Geek?

 Am I a Nerd or a Geek?

 So, if you actually know me, or have listened to my show for very long, you may have figured out that I am kind of a nerd. Or am I a geek? That is the question at hand isn’t it.
Not that it’s an idea that has plagued me or anything, but once a thought pops into my head it is difficult to kick it until I think it through. Such is the case now. I’ve always said that I am kind of a nerd. I was good in school. I picked up a few college credits early. I aced every class with hardly any effort. By most interpretations, I would be called a nerd. I’ve also been a video game fan, and comic fan, and movie fan… I guess I’m not really helping the nerd argument here.

Nowadays there is quite a dividing line between what is a “Nerd” and what is a “Geek.” Honestly I never really knew or cared that there was a difference. But, since the thought popped into my head, I just had to look it up. I had to see where I actually fall in the whole nerd-geek spectrum. So, I looked into it and according to Urban Dictionary a “nerd” is somebody who is smart but not very social. They don’t talk much and have few friends. They are generally nice but lack the social skills to go out and make friends. This sounds a lot like me. “Geeks,” on the other hand, socialize but it is usually based around some passionate obsession. Comic books, video games, Dungeons and Dragons, and other such groups come to mind.

Honestly I’m not really digging these definitions. I found a couple infographic things to try to make more sense of it, but they just made things more complicated.


To break this one down for me, I personally can go either way with coffee or soda, maybe more toward coffee. But then I live in t-shirts and sneakers and have played guitar for 17 years. But I also am both a cat and dog lover. So I’m leaning more geek on this one.

So in this one I do have a particular interest in academics, but my knowledge also has that mundane to encyclopedia thing going. I am absolutely introverted and generally socially challenged despite being quite long winded and hosting a comedy podcast. On the nerd side, I absolutely have a wide range of generally impractical skills just because of my interest in everything, but that blends into both having an interest in movies and games. I’m absolutely a fan of new gadgets. They are like new shiny toys. I don’t even know how to call it on this one. I’m once again pretty split on where I fall.

So what have I learned here? Apparently my chronic indecisiveness extends even to this most superficial element of my personality. It’s bad enough that I can’t pick out what I want to eat at a restaurant easily, but now I can’t even figure out if I’m a nerd or a geek. But really does it matter? Yes it’s both a very profound and utterly stupid question. I don’t require a personal definition of what I am. I don’t have to fit into one particular category. Honestly I feel better not being one or the other.  Nobody should be just one thing, or obsess over labels. You be you and I’ll be me, in all my smart-assed indecisive geeky nerdom.

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ODO 39: The Power Is Yours

The Power is Yours

This week I’ve got a lesson in trademark law courtesy of Disney and a movie update including Captain Planet. Plus I share my recent experience in DIY plumbing and the “Jackass of the Week” brings another emergency service worker with job issues.

Movie News

Leonardo DiCaprio to Produce Captain Planet Movie  

Big surprise that the “King of the Militant Hippies,” Leonardo DiCaprio is going to produce a Captain Planet movie. I loved Captain Planet as a kid, but seriously do we need another way for Leo to shove an organically grown, carbon neutral, 100% recyclable tree hugging guilt trip collectively down our throats? I get it, you’re into the green living thing. Don’t fuck up my cartoons. “The power is yours.”


Fox releases first trailer for “Logan”

The final Wolverine film, simply titled “Logan,” got it’s first trailer this week and it is beautiful. The movie will apparently follow along the idea of the “old man Logan”comic arc. Personally I loved the use of the Johnny Cash cover of Nine Inch Nails’ “Hurt.” This is just a beautiful trailer hands down.


Lucasfilm sues would-be jedis 

So this is a thing. Apparently there have been multiple Jedi Lightsaber training schools in Europe, but now there is finally one in the good old USA. Too bad for the wannabe Jedi, Lucasfilms is suing to shut down the schools since they violate their trademark. Disney paid a lot of money for Star Wars. You can’t expect them to just let you make money from it without permission.

Nintendo Announces the “Switch”

This week Nintendo released a teaser trailer for the new system formerly known as the NX. the new system officially called the “Switch” is part console and part handheld. The entire thing looks amazing if it works as well as described. It’s definitely a game changer just in its ability to span both sides of gaming.


Indiana firefighter charged with arson 

I’m getting really tired of reading about these emergency service people not doing their damn jobs. On the other hand, this guy liked his job so much, he created more work to do. Unfortunately he seemed to miss the part in fireman orientation where they explained that that is a felony.

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ODO 38: Nerd Scented Candle


Nerd Scented Candle

 This week I changed things up and covered a wide range of news stories including: Janet Jackson’s pregnancy, McDonald’s response to the creepy clowns, a scented candle only nerds can appreciate, and a 911 operator that just didn’t want to do her job.

Janet Jackson Pregnant at 50

 Janet Jackson announced via Twitter and a People Magazine article that she is pregnant with her first child at the age of 50. I wish all the best to Janet and her family, but 50 is very late to be starting off in the child game. Not only does it put her at a severe age disadvantage as a parent, but it is also much riskier for pregnancy. I realize she probably has access to some of the best doctors in the world, but they cannot keep the natural difficulties of pregnancy at 50 from taking their toll.
“We thank God for our blessing” – @JanetJackson

Full article: https://t.co/VHfG8awemp pic.twitter.com/nPVmGVkf7r

— ithl123 (@ithl123) October 12, 2016


McDonald’s Suspends Ronald McDonald in wake of Creepy Clown Epidemic

Due to the idiotic creepy clown epidemic going around the world, McDonald’s has decided to “suspend” all Ronald McDonald activity until the craze calms down. This is a catastrophe. Of all the clowns in the world to take the hit, why does it have to be the one that brings cheeseburgers? 


As if scented candles weren’t annoying enough, somebody made a candle that smells like a freshly opened Apple Mac computer. This is by far the nerdiest thing I’ve ever seen, and I’m actually in the “nerd spectrum.” Neverminding the nerd element of it, how do you know the difference between the smell of a Mac and maybe a Dell?


A 911 operator in Houston, TX has been arrested after an investigation showed she hung up on thousands of callers. An internal audit showed the operator had an extremely high rate of short calls under 20 seconds and investigated. They discovered not only was she hanging up on legitimate emergency calls, but at least one hangup possibly resulted in a man’s death. I cannot believe anybody would get into that line of work if you would even consider hanging up on someone. I hope that nobody else was hurt by her negligence, but if they were, I hope she spends a very long time in jail.
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ODO 37: The Price of Fame

The Price of Fame

 Back in old form, this week is just a good old fashioned stream of consciousness type discussion about  fame and how the media covers BS stories simply for ratings. Of course that opens up a whole big can of worms running from the Kardashians to Donald Trump. Throw in some surprising words of wisdom courtesy of a recent Nerdist interview with Sarah Jessica Parker, and we’ve got a nice train of thought. Believe it or not, I even manage to tie it all in with the creepy clown epidemic, because I can just pull that off.

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Podcast Day 2016

Podcast Day 2016

It’s International Podcast Day! I decided that to celebrate I would break format and just invite all my boys to hang out with me on the show. Let the trainwreck commence.

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Not So Big An A-Hole: ODO 36


Not So Big an A-Hole

   For most all of my post-high school life I have been said to be kind of an asshole. To a degree it’s been almost a point of pride. Now that I’m older I’m starting to wonder if it’s more “kind of” and less “asshole.”
     Anybody who’s familiar with my family would agree, I come from a long line of assholes. My dad is known to be a bit of an asshole. My grandfather was in politics so you know he was an asshole. I’ve heard his dad was a bit of an asshole as well. That’s not to say that we aren’t good people, but there is definitely a reigning character trait about the men in my family. Our family name has such notorious asshole cred that it has even been translated into a musical.
     Anybody familiar with “My Fair Lady” will recall that the male lead in that story is professor Higgins. Most people would chock that up to a coincidence or just needing a name for a character. That’s until you look at the guy. He’s a screaming asshole the entire time. He’s so much of a jerk that his best friend has to explain it to Eliza that it’s nothing personal, he’s just like that. The funniest part of it is that his character is a perfect example of my family and myself. He isn’t malicious. He isn’t intentionally hurtful. He’s just generally a dick to everybody. He’s rude and blunt and is for the most part abusive to everybody on some level, especially those he cares about. It’s almost as if the more he cares, the more abuse he dishes out. Oh wait, that’s exactly what it is! I know because that is a perfect description of most of the men in my family.
     Every girl I’ve ever been with, including my wife, can tell you that I show my affection through abuse. Now I’m not saying I beat my wife. I would never do something so terrible. What I mean is that a day doesn’t go by that I don’t pick on my wife about something. It’s a rare day when I don’t call her out for being short. ( She’s 4’10” for the record.) Or I will give her crap about her non-existent math skills. It’s all in good fun and not malicious. I think the key is that I don’t do it to hurt her. Her stature and math abilities are facts. I just make it a point a remind her of those facts when it is comedically useful.
     Oddly enough I’ve come to realize that I’m not the biggest asshole I know by far. This whole thought came from one of the guys at work. Of the people I currently know, he is easily the biggest asshole. He is one of those guys who has a super short fuse and will not hesitate to call you a piece of shit to your face. He doesn’t care much about people’s feelings. I believe “gives zero fucks” is the proper phrase. The difference is he’s mean in a mean way. He’s the kind of guy who says shit that makes you want to stab him in the face with a soldering iron. I know this from personal experience. ( Thank goodness for anger management.)
    Doing silly quizzes with my wife made me think to find an asshole quiz for myself. After an extensive google search, and by extensive I mean I searched “asshole quiz” and clicked the top 3 things, I’ve determined that I’m only about 40% of an asshole. Not even halfway there. I have to admit I am kind of disappointed. Here I am, a legacy asshole, and I don’t even crack 50%. Then I started to think about the questions on these things and I realized that they didn’t actually test for assholes. These quizzes, like every one of them, is actually testing for douchebags. As a card carrying asshole I am going to stand up and say that these are very different things indeed. I am most emphatically not a douchebag. What these quizzes determined was assholery was frequently hurting others for your own entertainment or a disregard for others for your own enjoyment. In a nutshell, douchebagery.
     I may be a dick, but I take no pleasure in hurting somebody. I don’t do anything to harm someone or hurt their feelings. I personally feel that is the defining line between douchebag and asshole. For a really dumb analogy, I’d say the douchebag is the unsophisticated frat boy, while the asshole is the smart-ass doctor treating him for alcohol poisoning. Another example, it’s the difference between someone telling dick jokes and someone doing intelligent humor. You have to have a certain intelligence to be an effective asshole. It takes a serious thinking mind to come up with some of the grade-A assholery from men such as Dennis Leary and Dennis Miller. Or maybe you just need to be named Dennis. Either way, if it puts me in the same category as thinkers like Miller and Leary and Lewis Black, I think I’ll just keep on being an asshole.

Bullshit From the News

It’s all behind them: ‘Butt-chugging’ fraternity returns to UT | News | utdailybeacon.com
 The Pi Kappa Alpha Fraternity at the University of Tennessee is being reinstated after being booted from campus four years ago for the use of “wine enemas.” This puts stupid douchebag fratboy antics to a new level. How dumb do you have to be to think that pouring wine into a hose in your butt is a good idea?
For the second time the CDC has issued a warning that kissing your pet chickens can lead to salmonella poisoning. I realize that some people view chickens as pets, but to me they are food. Don’t kiss your very very very raw chicken dinner. It will get you sick.

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Putting the Labor in Labor Day: ODO 35

Putting the Labor in Labor Day

     This week was Labor Day in the US. I mention it being in the US because apparently I’m actually more popular overseas than I am at home. Just kidding, I’m not popular anywhere. But anyway, it was Labor day on Monday, a day where we honor the blue collar working man by giving all the white collar guys the day off.
I actually didn’t have work on Labor Day. This is partially because I work for a relatively small company, and our boss is cool like that. But mostly it’s because I don’t work on Mondays anyway. “Happy Labor Day! Enjoy your regular day off.” I’m kidding, kinda. I get holiday pay for this shit. Who am I to bitch?

     Now I maybe possibly have previously mentioned before, and by “maybe possibly” I mean I’ve bludgeoned you over the head repeatedly with the fact, that I work overnights. Well, when you have a federal holiday come up like we just had, and your boss decides to give everyone the day off, that work still has to get done somewhere. So the end of my last week was a motherfucker of a bitch. I’m talking 10-11 hour shifts with 3 man crews, multiple mechanical issues with my work vehicles… (RIP van 13) and just generally stress city. So Friday night I end up not getting out of work until about 5am. And for those of you who want to nit-pick, yes I know that’s Saturday morning. And, like I’ve oh so subtly mentioned, I live fucking far from my office. This means I got home around 6am to a big fat “I told you so” from my wife. To cap it off, I had to be back at the office at noon to do a job 2 hours away. Obviously I didn’t exactly have the best sleep going into that work night. I was downing so much caffeine on that drive I’m pretty sure I saw a mosquito have a seizure. After all that I ended up getting back home just before midnight, which any other day would feel great. But after the pre-weekend I’d just worked, I was surprised I survived the drive home.
     Of course since my wife was sitting on a 3-day weekend, we had to make use of the time. We had a whole list of things we needed to get done: We had to buy groceries, fix the baby’s crib, clean up the back yard, I needed to finally fix that clogged toilet in the hall bathroom… Never mind that there was still the feeding and caring for the 4 small life forms that share our house. And out of all the things we had to do this weekend, we did precisely DICK. I didn’t get a damn thing done for 2 whole days. Ok I went to the grocery store for milk and bread. Past that, I spent the majority of 2 days drifting from one nap to another. Don’t get me wrong. I don’t like that I didn’t get anything done, but I was just plain old tired. I realize that pushed every single one of those honey-do’s to next weekend potentially, but what better way could I have possibly spent my Labor Day than laying on my couch doing absofuckinglutely nothing?

Bullshit From the News


Car rolls into river after spider scares teen driver

An 18 year old girl in Australia watched her car roll into a river after jumping out to swat away a huntsman spider. She was only able to half apply her parking brake before jumping out and saw her car slowly roll down a boat ramp and out of reach. I may not be afraid of spiders (much) but from my understanding of the size of the huntsman, I’d probably end up crashing into the river.


Emergency response triggered at Ohio school after forty students eat one of the world’s hottest peppers

A middle school student shared a batch of Bhut Jolokia peppers with his classmates causing the school to call for EMT’s after they started to become sick. These were at one time considered the hottest chilies in the world. They are rated with an average heat level of over 1 million Scoville, which is, to say the least, really REALLY hot. In so many words, kids are dumb. Kids will eat anything, and peer pressure is a bitch.
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Remembering Gene Wilder: ODO 34

Remembering Gene Wilder: ODO 34

What’s the deal 2016!? Stop killing our legends! I know I’m not the first to say it, but this has become the year the legends died. The loss of Gene Wilder this week just pushes that point home.

     Unless you’ve been living under a rock for the last week, you’ve probably heard that, legendary comic actor, Gene Wilder passed away this week. Of course, when an artist of his caliber passes away, the world collectively mourns. I’ve mentioned before that I am a very sensitive person. I realize that here it may seem like my only emotion is angry smartass. But I really truly have feelings, all of them. Now I’m not gonna sit here and cry in my cornflakes, as the young kids say. For me, especially with comedians, I try to “remember the laughs not the loss.”


Bullshit From the News

 South Carolina Neighborhood Reports Clowns Are Trying To Lure Kids Into The Woods

There is a neighborhood in South Carolina where a group of people dressed as clown have been seen wandering around in the nearby woods. They apparently have been trying to lure the neighborhood kids into the woods with large amounts of cash. Fortunately no kids have been harmed, but the story itself is creepy as hell.

Cocaine stash found in Coca-Cola factory worth $74 million

A shipment of fruit juice at a Coca-Cola factory was found to contain $74 million in cocaine. When the factory workers opened up the shipment they discovered the drugs and informed the authorities. I don’t know how much $74 million in cocaine is, but I’m picturing a shipping container full of duct tape bricks.

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